So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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