i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
