How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize