Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
