How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
