YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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