Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My dick has a subreddit
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize