Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
