I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
