im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
