You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
