Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
