I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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