then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Someone came in the potted fern
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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