i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize