I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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