New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize