I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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