I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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