i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize