I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
