Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
