Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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