so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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