11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
