I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
