Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
