Can i not drive my cunt home
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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