Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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