No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
