i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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