dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
