I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
