I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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