I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
