You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
