dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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