meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
