There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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