I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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