i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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