I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
