you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
