Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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