So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
