Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
