cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
