it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
