Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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