Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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