he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize