If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
