She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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