If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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