There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
