my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
