My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
