i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
where are my eyebrows?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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