conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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