I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
