he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize