I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
