Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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