I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i will never coherently bang her
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
