i'm lost and i look like a hooker
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
