I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
