Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
