after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
