i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
